cOndE: 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I met a blue-eyed horse. I've never seen a blue-eyed horse before. I got lost on the way to my grandparents house, so I pulled over to figure out where I was. I saw this horse from far away, and decided to take a break from driving and take some pictures, since I was going the wrong way anyway. He wasn't close to the fence, but as soon as he saw me he started walking towards me. That's when I noticed the blue eyes. Blue eyes are my favorite. I will remember this always only because I feel like it was a sign of hope for me. It's funny how lost I feel I am right now, just as I was driving to my grandparents, but I feel that there will be a blue-eyed someone who will be drawn to me just as this horse was. That someone will love me for me and really appreciate the love that I give back. That someone will not just say what he thinks I need to hear, I'm not one for words, but show me truth through action of love. No fear, just love. So to that someone, know that I love you, and I look forward to meeting you someday.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Installments

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Sovereign

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dust eventually settles

Self Portrait

I’m numb

nowhere to look

nothing to see

all of my senses are running away from me

even they don’t want to be around me

i’m too much for them

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me away

all i want is love

without all the organized chaos

it all complicates something that’s so simple

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me away

im trapping myself inside

burying myself alive

so that no one can hurt me

no one will feel me

close the door, shut the windows

let the darkness surround me

take me AWAY...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Quack Quack

Thursday, December 3, 2009

MashMelon

My friend, Ellen Webber, and I, were in the VC Star for filming a short documentary that featured Sergio Arrogones' (the wonderful MAD magazine cartoonist) exhibition that was at the Ojai Valley Museum. It was such a great opportunity!

http://www.vcstar.com/news/2009/nov/30/filmmakers-capture-famed-cartoonist-on-video/

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Living in a tree, or something like that

http://tinyhouseblog.com/stick-built/tiny-house-in-portland/

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Live in love

The last few days have been overwhelming in every way possible. It has allowed me to do more thinking than I would like, and really made me think about the things in my life. I've always struggled with the fact that friends come and go. Accepting that the people who have the most influence on your life, are no longer a part of your life, just seems so sad. (for lack of a better word) I'm not trying to be or sound negative. The funny thing is that I have pushed so many people out of my life too.

I am just realizing how much I want for so many to be happy, but I can never make everyone happy. I've tried so much to try to emotionally connect with people in order to truly understand them, and find ways to bring joy to others. But I have really just learned to understand myself. Seems so selfish, but I don't know any other way to be. I have come to realize that I cannot provide happiness to other people, but I do hope that people have at least felt some kind of joy, or happiness in knowing me. I feel that everyone that I have been in friendships, relationships, whateverships; all of the people that have been in and out of my life, I can say, you all have made me happy because you all have helped me to truly learn who I am. Regardless if I still speak to you or not. (something I'm learning to deal with) Thank you for bringing understanding and truth to my life. Knowing that, I can only be who I am, I will only be who I am, and I will learn to love others as much as I possibly can. Sometimes that is hard to do, but I will try my best to live in love. Love is something that I don't understand, and question always, but I always have the most comfort in.

So to all, know that you are loved.